2020 has been a year none of us could have predicted. Personally, I would like to look back at 2020 as the year where we learnt small things in life can nourish the soul, the year where we learnt to lean on friends and loved ones to help navigate life struggles, and the year where we discovered that we all possess incredible courage, tenacity, and adaptability.
2020 is also the year the beauty of imperfection revealed itself. I realized that even if everything does not go perfectly as planned, there are still a lot to smile about. Business and personal travels had to be cancelled, my two kids had to figure out online schooling, offsite strategy meeting I planned for my team had to go online, Close the Gap Foundation (the non-profit I am involved in) had to pivot all programming to virtual. And yet, despite the COVID-19 curveball, my team engagement scores improved, both my kids adapted quickly to online schooling, and Close the Gap completed its 2nd annual program with wild success.
I have been caught up for too long in the perfection trap that it took this pandemic to make me realize that “imperfection” can lead to good outcomes. That “there is beauty in imperfection” realization compelled me to focus even more on overcoming my imposter syndrome, something that I have been wrestling with my entire life.
At different points in my life, whenever I achieved some “accomplishment” – whether it’s an award from school, a job offer, a promotion, an industry award – my first reactions were not of excitement and joy. Instead, I always felt a wave of guilt washed over me as I tried to come to grips with the fact that I didn’t think I have done nearly enough to deserve the “accomplishment”. Surely, they made a mistake and I was just lucky!
This was the feeling that Olivia Fox Cabane covered in her book “The Charisma Myth” which I read in one sitting last year. In the book, Olivia wrote about how she would asked the incoming class at Stanford Business School: “How many of you in here feel that you are the one mistake that the admissions committee made?” Every year, two-thirds of the class immediately raised their hands. Looks like I’m in good company.
Why do we have it?
Psychologists Dr. Pauline Rose Chance and Dr. Suzanne Imes coined the term “Impostor Syndrome” (more recently re-named “Imposter Phenomenon”) in a paper in 1978. “In our society there’s a huge pressure to achieve,” Imes says. “There can be a lot of confusion between approval and love and worthiness. Self-worth becomes contingent on achieving.”
That’s not surprising to me. Growing up in Singapore sparked my drive to excel. Singapore is a place which largely rewards academically-inclined individuals and there is a big theme about ranking in the education system. Because of that, when I grew up, my parents gave me a sense that I had to excel in school, it was not a choice. While that upbringing absolutely shaped the way I go about doing anything – I strive to get A+ in whatever I do – it also keeps me feeling as though what I do is never enough. It’s not so much the fear of failing badly, but I have an irrational fear of not succeeding in getting the A+.
The experience also seems to be more common among minorities, according to Clance. Again I’m not surprised. I’ve heard my fellow ethnic minority friends talked about how they were taught that they would need to ‘work twice as hard to get half as far.’
Dr Clance developed a Clance Impostor Phenomenon Scale (CIPS), which gauge how often individuals have imposter feelings. My CIPS scores confirmed that I frequently have imposter feelings. While I am very much a work in progress, I don’t stay with those feelings these days. Here are some helpful tips that work for me.
Focus on gift of the mission.
Whenever I become consciously aware of the conversation in my head that triggers the imposter syndrome (e.g. a promotion, a new role, being assigned a strategically important project), I first acknowledge that there are plenty of people better than me, but I have been bestowed the gift to take care of the issue now. And, my inner warrior aims to complete the mission my way!
Instead of immersing in self-doubt, channel all your energy and focus on generating big ideas to advance the mission. Get curious about how you can acquire new skills and learn throughout the journey. Identify ways you can serve others along the way while fulfilling the mission. Use this gift as a platform to focus on the pursuit of something bigger than yourself. Embrace the gift of an expedition like a fearless warrior.
In other words, if you let your heart takes over, you will successfully quiet the self-doubt monsters in your mind.
Know you are in the company of many greats.
Knowing that imposter syndrome is more common than I think helps take the pressure off being a perfectionist, and puts me at ease because I’m not perfect either, and I don’t have to be. Here are some great reminders:
“I thought everybody would find out and they’d take the Oscar back. They’d come to my house, knocking on the door, ‘Excuse me, we meant to give that to someone else. That was going to Meryl Streep.”
– Two-time Oscar Winner Jodie Foster
“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.
– Renowned poet, author Maya Angelou
“Very few people, whether you’ve been in that job before or not, get into the seat and believe today that they are now qualified to be the CEO. They’re not going to tell you that, but it’s true,”
– Former CEO and chairman of Starbucks Howard Schultz
“The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.”
– One of the most influential physicists of the 20th century and Nobel Laureate Albert Einstein
Imagine you are a rebel.
Underpinning all the psychological discomfort of feeling phony and not being worthy, is the feeling that we don’t belong. Instead of focusing on not being able to fit into a tidy box, or worse, trying to transform your unique self to fit into a mold, put on your imagination cap on and pretend you are a rebel.
You are a rebel whose uniqueness gets you noticed and leave a memorable impression on others. You are a rebel whose creativity is rooted in you being different. You are a rebel who does not hesitate to put your wild ideas out there amid a sea of common opinions. You are a rebel who has the courage to tear off your mask of perfection and behave in ways that feel authentic and natural.
As visionary rebel Steve Jobs famously narrated in Apple’s Iconic commercial:
“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.“
— Steve Jobs, 1997
There’s beauty in rebellion. Not of chaos, but a life where you will gain the kind of true freedom that others cannot comprehend. Go.
